Episode 37

full
Published on:

29th Jun 2023

Growing Oatmeal, Burning Snow, and Spicy Sex w/ Faith Buhs of Stressed Out Mamas

This week we're talking to the exceptionally hilarious Faith Buhs of Stressed Out Mamas. Faith is a business owner, reformed city kid, and a mama to five kiddos in Saskatchewan. We talked about how to garnish chicken nuggets, how to being underestimated can be a secret weapon, and how having EZ Steer on your combine can spice up your sex life.

Faith's business delivers customized, curated boxes of Canadian made products to Mamas who enjoy some useful pampering.

Thank you for joining us today on Barnyard Language. If you enjoy the show, we encourage you to support us by becoming a patron. Go to Patreon to make a small monthly donation to help cover the cost of making a show. Please rate and review the podcast and follow the show so you never miss an episode.

 You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok as BarnyardLanguage, and on Twitter we are BarnyardPod. If you'd like to connect with other farming families, you can join our private Barnyard Language Facebook group. We're always in search of future guests for the podcast. If you or someone you know would like to chat with us, get in touch.

 We are a proud member of the Positively Farming Media Podcast Network.


Transcript
Arlene:

So today we are talking to Faith Bush who's joining us

Arlene:

from Saskatchewan and Faith.

Arlene:

We start each of our interviews with the same question.

Arlene:

So this is our way or your way to introduce yourself to our listeners.

Arlene:

And we always ask, what are you growing?

Arlene:

So that covers crops, livestock, kids, businesses, and

Arlene:

whatever else you wanna cover.

Arlene:

So what are you growing?

Faith:

So it's funny you bring that up because when I was talking to my

Faith:

hobby, I said, oh, we're a crop farm.

Faith:

He's like, that's no, we're a grain farm.

Faith:

We, we don't say crop farm in the agriculture business.

Faith:

And I was like, oh, I'm trying, I'm trying here.

Faith:

Yeah, you're getting there.

Faith:

So, um, you do grow crops, right?

Faith:

That's what I thought.

Faith:

Like you grow crops.

Faith:

So is it not just

Arlene:

a crop farm?

Arlene:

Like

Faith:

farm?

Faith:

So grain farmers and then I have five kiddos.

Faith:

That are a blended family.

Faith:

And then I also have my own company, stressed out mamas.

Arlene:

So what ages are the, uh, that group of kids that you're talking

Faith:

about?

Faith:

So I've got 13, nine.

Faith:

Nine and four year old twins.

Faith:

And you're probably wondering why I said nine and nine.

Faith:

So we are a blended family.

Faith:

I have my two bonus boys that are 13 and nine, and then I have my daughter

Faith:

that my husband actually adopted.

Faith:

Um, she's nine as well.

Faith:

And they let everyone know they're not the bush twins, they're six months apart.

Arlene:

Very clear.

Faith:

Yeah.

Faith:

And then ironically enough, we ended up, when we decided to

Faith:

have an US kid, uh, with twins,

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

So you got lots of, uh, double ages.

Arlene:

Yes.

Faith:

I think we're the only blended family that can say that

Faith:

we only have three grads to go to, or three hockey teens to attend.

Faith:

It is perfect.

Arlene:

Yeah, that's true with, yeah.

Arlene:

You're a big family, but you've, uh, doubled up some places there,

Arlene:

so there's some efficiencies.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

So what kinds of, uh, grains are you

Faith:

growing?

Faith:

This'll be fun.

Faith:

Okay.

Faith:

We grow canola.

Faith:

Barley, wheat and oats.

Faith:

And the reason I think it'll be fun is because my husband and I were

Faith:

just recently having the conversation with seeding up and coming about a

Faith:

new crop rotation, and I thought I was gonna hit it right on the mark.

Faith:

I was like, we should plant oatmeal.

Faith:

Mm-hmm.

Faith:

And he was just like, what do you think of that oatmeal honey?

Faith:

I was like, yeah, like, don't you just like pick it off the like

Faith:

stem or the like the stock and you just like, and he's like, oh

Faith:

honey, oh, I just love you so much.

Arlene:

So I think that leads well into Katie's next question.

Caite:

I feel like in all fairness here, we would say that you're

Caite:

a row crop farmer, so I feel like you were pretty close.

Caite:

Also, please tell 'em that you want to plant corn checks

Caite:

and see how that goes over.

Caite:

Or honey puffs or something.

Caite:

Who plant Cheerios next year, babe.

Caite:

You're right.

Caite:

Smart ass.

Caite:

Um, so.

Caite:

I don't wanna say clearly you're not from a farm background,

Caite:

um, cuz that would be rude.

Caite:

But how, how has your adjustment been to this life?

Caite:

It

Faith:

has been like a slap in the face.

Faith:

I now understand that when you come from this city going out to

Faith:

the farm, you don't plant oatmeal.

Faith:

Like it comes from oats and.

Faith:

Is then processed to oatmeal.

Faith:

But like I thought we learned about farms.

Faith:

Like Saskatchewan is a prairie province.

Faith:

Farming is like one of the staples.

Faith:

And I was like, I know nothing like snap.

Faith:

So I have learned along the way.

Faith:

Um, and my husband, I should also preference, he is a jokester.

Faith:

His whole family are jokesters.

Faith:

So very early on in the relationship, he made me believe that in

Faith:

Saskatchewan we could burn snow and.

Faith:

I love you guys' reaction.

Faith:

You're just like, what?

Faith:

So I

Caite:

thought, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Caite:

Like burn it as fuel, or like burn it to get it off the fields or all of the above.

Caite:

So, I like your husband.

Caite:

I'm, I'm just gonna say it like not to throw you under the

Caite:

bus here, but he is one of us.

Caite:

You are clearly one of us, but he is also clearly one of us cuz that sounds

Caite:

like something my husband would too.

Caite:

Right.

Faith:

So he said, um, how the story went was in Saskatchewan, we don't burn

Faith:

snow because it affects cat libidos and we just have so mice to mice around

Faith:

that we would not want that to happen.

Faith:

So we need to have lots of cats so we don't have a lot of mice, but in Manitoba

Faith:

and like further out that way, they burned snow all the time and he was showing

Faith:

me videos and I took it upon myself.

Faith:

To blast Facebook and be like, I can't believe you.

Faith:

Saskatchewan.

Faith:

Farmers don't burn snow.

Faith:

What is wrong with you guys?

Faith:

Who cares about cats libido?

Faith:

We can take care of the mice problem a different way.

Faith:

And then my father-in-law called me and he just asked me very politely,

Faith:

but very firmly to remove the post.

Faith:

Now I should also preference, he has, uh, taken on the RM Reeve here, so

Faith:

he's in contact with a lot of farmers.

Faith:

And I guess when I posted it, it was not many seconds later that they all had

Faith:

called him going, is she really that city?

Faith:

Like we knew she was c but she's that city.

Faith:

And he was just like, I don't understand honey.

Faith:

Like they don't teach you this stuff in, in the city.

Faith:

And I was like, Well, I think it was how my husband just preference it.

Faith:

Like he was very convincing.

Faith:

Like I wouldn't know any difference.

Faith:

I thought it was a thing.

Faith:

So the farming culture has been quite a shock.

Faith:

People definitely like to take me for a ride sometimes because I'm just

Faith:

so like, oh yeah, that makes sense.

Faith:

And then they start to laugh after.

Faith:

I'm like, oh, you were joking.

Caite:

In your defense, they're the ones who raised him to be that full of shit.

Caite:

So I really feel like this comes back on them.

Caite:

This is not on you.

Caite:

On the other hand, I feel like we need to make him some sort of trophy

Caite:

because seriously, the cat's libidos, like that's, that's some like next

Caite:

level shit talking right there.

Caite:

Like that is, that's impressive.

Caite:

That's not just like, Normal level shit talking.

Caite:

And in all fairness, I realized this morning I was trying to tell my kids

Caite:

about, uh, platypus and I realized that I tell them so much bullshit, and they're

Caite:

four and six, that they don't believe that a platypus is a real thing because

Caite:

this is what happens when you raise your kids with this level of bullshit.

Caite:

They don't believe anything now.

Arlene:

Right.

Arlene:

Well, and there's so many creatures that aren't real, right?

Arlene:

Like we tell them about unicorns and we put them on t-shirts and.

Arlene:

Beds, breads and put them in TV shows, and that's not a real thing.

Arlene:

So why would a Platy pus be real?

Arlene:

Like it doesn't make any sense.

Arlene:

Like it lays eggs, but it has fur, but it's sweat.

Arlene:

Like it's all the things that shouldn't.

Arlene:

Shouldn't be a thing and they're never gonna see

Caite:

one.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Well, I think the, the other issue was that the girl child thought

Caite:

I was talking about an octopus and she was like, no, mommy.

Caite:

They live in deep water.

Caite:

Like Right.

Arlene:

Eight legs, come on.

Arlene:

This

Caite:

kid believes in unicorns, believes that they are real.

Caite:

Does not believe in plant pie.

Caite:

Yes.

Caite:

Oh, that's

Faith:

awesome.

Faith:

Anyway.

Faith:

Anyway.

Faith:

But you just gotta have funt in life.

Faith:

I think if you take it too serious, then like you just get

Faith:

this like grouchiness to you.

Faith:

So I am grateful that we can joke and stuff.

Faith:

And my father-in-law, like this snow burning thing, it was six years ago and

Faith:

still random strangers come up to me.

Faith:

Oh, you're the snow farming, snow burning wife.

Caite:

Yeah, if they're gonna know you for something better, it

Caite:

should be something funny, right?

Caite:

Cause they could be like, you're the one who smells really bad, or

Caite:

you know, you're the one with the really bad attitude or something.

Caite:

Like, I'd rather be known for something funny, right?

Caite:

Like it's.

Caite:

I found out a couple months ago that I am known at our local

Caite:

vet's office as the duck lady.

Caite:

And like of all the things I thought I'd be known for, that wasn't it?

Caite:

But I'm like, you know what?

Caite:

I'm okay with that.

Caite:

Like, yeah, that's not the worst.

Caite:

No, I'd rather be known as the duck lady than, oh, that fucking bitch.

Caite:

You know?

Caite:

Like it could be a lot worse.

Arlene:

So now have you ever brought ducks into the vet clinic?

Arlene:

Or it's just that you actually have duck.

Arlene:

I did not confirm more than

Caite:

I, that I have actually brought a duck with an eye infection into

Caite:

our very serious, large animal vet.

Caite:

And that

Arlene:

is fine.

Arlene:

Presented.

Arlene:

Don't want your duck to suffer.

Caite:

Exactly.

Caite:

No.

Caite:

And now I

Arlene:

know how to treat it.

Arlene:

It's probably cheaper than a farm call, right?

Arlene:

Like if they weren't already coming to the farm.

Arlene:

You don't wanna call them out for just a duck if there

Arlene:

wasn't anything else happening.

Caite:

No, totally.

Caite:

But I think this was 11 years ago and they still call me the duck lady, so yeah.

Caite:

Whatever anyway.

Caite:

But yeah,

Arlene:

still, still not the worst thing you could be.

Arlene:

No.

Arlene:

So you mentioned that, um, one of the things you're growing is a business.

Arlene:

So can you tell us about, um, what it's called, because I love

Arlene:

your name and why you started it.

Arlene:

What was your inspiration?

Faith:

So, um, when I moved out to the farm, I realized that supporting local

Faith:

Canadian businesses just wasn't common.

Faith:

Amazon Prime, they get great shipping, fast shipping.

Faith:

That's how people did it out here and in the city.

Faith:

There are so many knickknack shops of Canadian local made

Faith:

products that you could just go in.

Faith:

So I was really frustrated with that.

Faith:

So I decided after the twins, um, daycare just wasn't affordable for us anymore.

Faith:

I was like, Nope, I'm gonna work to pay daycare.

Faith:

I'm just gonna stay home.

Faith:

But I've always had that hustle mentality and my husband was like,

Faith:

well, start your own business.

Faith:

I.

Faith:

It's just that simple structure, our business.

Faith:

So we sat Yeah.

Arlene:

Out, out on the farm.

Arlene:

No problem.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Faith:

You know,

Caite:

and I was like, you could have done custom snow burning.

Caite:

You should tell, tell your father-in-law that that's your new business idea

Caite:

and see how far you can wind him up.

Caite:

He deserves it.

Faith:

Oh my gosh.

Faith:

And I should like get a tractor and like, Put some stuff like, I don't

Faith:

know, blow dryers on it or something.

Faith:

Well, they,

Caite:

they make flame heaters, like waiters are a serious thing.

Caite:

So just, just mock up a business card.

Caite:

Let me know if you need help.

Caite:

Like I am all in on this concept.

Caite:

Oh my god, cat reproductive.

Caite:

Katie's your first franchisee and custom snow burning.

Caite:

Absolutely.

Caite:

Oh,

Faith:

that's gonna be perfect.

Faith:

Oh, and it'll just get him going again.

Faith:

He's always like, faith, shut up.

Faith:

Shut the fuck up.

Faith:

Don't say it in public anymore.

Faith:

I'm like, but I just can.

Faith:

It's just so perfect.

Arlene:

Everybody remembers it, right?

Arlene:

So,

Faith:

um,

Caite:

so yeah, so I think Faith is my new bestie.

Caite:

I'm just gonna put it out there.

Faith:

I've been replaced.

Faith:

Oh, well how about we just do a trio thing?

Faith:

I'm down here.

Faith:

Okay.

Faith:

That that works.

Faith:

Yeah.

Faith:

So we were sitting around the kitchen table at.

Arlene:

Um, so you were just, I think it was right about the time you were saying,

Arlene:

you were sitting around the, the table talking about what kind of business.

Arlene:

Yeah,

Faith:

so I was sitting around the kitchen table with the kids and we were trying

Faith:

to come up with a business name and my 13 year old at the time would've been 11.

Faith:

And he goes, you're stressed all the time, mom.

Faith:

Mm-hmm.

Faith:

Mm-hmm.

Faith:

And he's like, stressed out, mom.

Faith:

Every mom is stressed.

Faith:

Really?

Faith:

If you think about it, y'all are batshit crazy.

Faith:

And my husband was sitting there going in one, two, you're gonna get your head

Faith:

chewed off, we're gonna hear swearing.

Faith:

And he was just like, everyone was just like, oh, shit.

Faith:

He said it.

Faith:

And I was like, you.

Faith:

It's a great name

Arlene:

and every and And you're not

Faith:

wrong.

Faith:

Yeah, right.

Faith:

Everyone, we are stressed.

Faith:

Right?

Faith:

And I think it connects with so many people.

Faith:

And I've talked to lots of branding and a lots of marketing people and

Faith:

they're like, A lot of businesses don't lead with negativity, but you do.

Faith:

And I said, because it's true.

Faith:

We kind of, yeah, don't wanna talk about negative things, but they're

Faith:

there and you can't see positive if you don't have a negative.

Faith:

So stressed out, mamas became mama name.

Faith:

And then from there, I used to be a pamper box.

Faith:

So every month you would get a Pamper item.

Faith:

You'd get six items to Pam, yourself with, because I was on this crusade

Faith:

of being we're I'm gonna change the world, this is gonna be perfect.

Faith:

And everyone was like, it is perfect, but not for long term.

Faith:

I, I feel guilty.

Faith:

And I'm like, what?

Faith:

No, no.

Faith:

I'm gonna shove this down your throat.

Faith:

You're gonna enjoy it.

Faith:

You have no fucking choice, and this is what we're doing.

Faith:

And people are like, no, this is not

Arlene:

what we're doing.

Faith:

So my business took a huge pivot.

Faith:

Now it is an essential motherhood kit.

Faith:

It comes with cooking, cleaning, home decor, and then

Faith:

just a tiny bit of pampering.

Faith:

So you still get to have that aspect in your life because the reality is, we

Faith:

wanna say that we can pamper ourselves.

Faith:

We wanna be able to spoil ourselves, but we just feel guilty.

Faith:

And that was never the intent of my business.

Faith:

It was to make motherhood easy and to make sure.

Faith:

Uh, shopping Canadian business is easy.

Faith:

It was never for guilt.

Faith:

So that's where my business has taken me.

Faith:

Um, I've been in business now for two years.

Faith:

I just celebrated my anniversary January 4th, and it has just been

Faith:

so beautiful, but crazy enough.

Faith:

My number one subscriber is Ontario Customers.

Caite:

Very cool.

Faith:

Where I'm based in Saskatchewan, and the pandemic

Faith:

took me to a couple online shows that Ontario just keeps loving me.

Faith:

And Saskatchewan is still like, we know you, a snow burning person.

Faith:

I don't know if we can trust with a business yet.

Arlene:

I like that you were willing to be flexible though, right?

Arlene:

Like not just like, this is, this is the way I see it, see it and this is

Arlene:

the way it's gonna be, but actually listening to your clients and to your

Arlene:

customers and, and realizing that they wanted something a little bit

Arlene:

different from what you are offering.

Arlene:

So that's a really, really good to know that you can, you can adjust, right?

Arlene:

Because sometimes people just get stuck in on, yeah, like you said,

Arlene:

this is the way, this is the way I see it, so this is the way it's gonna be.

Arlene:

But yeah, if, I mean, I know that if I got pampering items, you know,

Arlene:

that many every month, they would probably start to stockpile after a

Arlene:

while and you'd think like, well, I'm not getting through them, so maybe

Arlene:

I'll cancel because, you know, like, I've got lots to last me for a while.

Arlene:

Right.

Arlene:

So that's good that there's a bit of variety

Caite:

too, I have to say too, as someone who's never been real good

Caite:

at relaxing, And certainly is not now with, you know, a full-time

Caite:

job and two little kids in a farm.

Caite:

That to me, the most pampering, rewarding, relaxing thing at this point

Caite:

in my life is to be able to cross off all the little shit on my to-do list.

Caite:

All those little projects that just pile up and it's just all that little shit.

Caite:

You know, when you like buy new shoelaces for somebody, but then they just sit there

Caite:

on the counter for six months because you're never gonna like put it on your

Caite:

to-do list, to change out shoelaces.

Caite:

And so to me, the idea of having a, a box that comes with like a nicer candle than

Caite:

I might normally buy for myself or like fancier cleaning products or whatever,

Caite:

is much more the kind of self-care that I want and can like, Get into because

Caite:

to me, getting a pampering box that then goes wasted, A feels like, why the fuck

Caite:

don't I ever have any time for myself?

Caite:

And also, why am I wasting this money on this stuff that I'll never use?

Caite:

And also now I just feel worse about the fact that I never take any time for

Caite:

myself and that I don't enjoy it when I do because I'm thinking about all the shoe

Caite:

laces and all that little shit that I do.

Caite:

You

Arlene:

have shoe laces currently on your

Caite:

counter, Katie?

Caite:

No, but I did put in soles in two pairs of my husband's shoes

Caite:

this morning because they've been sitting on on the counter for weeks.

Caite:

Yeah, a little thing got done.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Just gonna do it.

Caite:

Do it.

Caite:

So faith also, Arlene and I were talking about how you

Caite:

should have a farm mom based.

Caite:

Line, but then we realized that it would probably just be like

Caite:

earplugs, oxyclean and whiskey.

Caite:

Um, which I think is a totally valid box.

Caite:

Personally, you could throw some like, you know, uh, livestock paint

Caite:

markers in there or something too.

Caite:

Oh my God, yes, yes.

Caite:

Some, uh, heavyweight oil, something like that.

Caite:

But how do you pick the items that go into your boxes?

Faith:

Yeah, so originally it used to be me vetting all of these Canadian

Faith:

companies and spending hours, and now because of half such a big

Faith:

name, I have companies coming to me.

Faith:

So I make sure there's always a cleaner and there's always a cooking

Faith:

product because I know for myself, like it's a, it's a farm thing.

Faith:

I know it is the oil and the grease and the crap that my husband

Faith:

comes home with on his clothes.

Faith:

I'm like, Can we throw it out?

Faith:

Like, I don't even wanna wash this.

Faith:

I'm, and he's like, no.

Faith:

I'm like, oh, fine.

Faith:

I'll wash the stupid thing.

Faith:

Or like the dirt that's in my house.

Faith:

I'm like, my family comes from the city.

Faith:

They're like, faith, I don't understand.

Faith:

Like the, the dirt.

Faith:

It's, it's different dirt.

Faith:

And I was like, it's it's farm dirt.

Arlene:

Like it's just there.

Arlene:

It doesn't go away.

Caite:

So that's the thing too, when people are like, oh, I live in the city.

Caite:

Oh my, I, I need to dust.

Caite:

And I'm like, this is not dust in my house.

Caite:

This is straight up, like this is topsoil, this is not dust.

Caite:

Plus we live on a gravel road, like it is dust, but it's also

Caite:

straight topsoil and cow shit.

Caite:

Like, oh right, let's just embrace it.

Caite:

You know,

Faith:

just embrace it.

Faith:

So like, that was my thing.

Faith:

I was like, I always wanna have a cleaning product that's going to

Faith:

be used and going to be heavy duty.

Faith:

I'm, I always want a cooking product because I'm always cooking and with

Faith:

us having harvest and seeding like we cook meals, I'm so gracious.

Faith:

My mother-in-law does not wanna release the reigns on that.

Faith:

She wants to die on that hill.

Faith:

And I'm going,

Arlene:

Good for you.

Arlene:

I'm okay with that.

Faith:

So, but even cooking meals at home, like it's such a boring task.

Faith:

And I, before I started having children, I went to culinary school.

Faith:

I wanted to be a chef.

Faith:

I was super, and now I'm like, I fucking hate cooking.

Faith:

I don't know what to cook.

Faith:

Oh fuck, I gotta cook another meal today.

Arlene:

Oh, could someone, why did they eat so often?

Arlene:

Right?

Arlene:

All day, every day.

Arlene:

And

Caite:

then it faith, this is proof that we really are like meant to be.

Caite:

Because I also went to culinary school and spent the first like 20 years

Caite:

of my working life in restaurants.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

And so now when I bitch about cooking, my husband's like, but you love cooking.

Caite:

And I'm like, you collect tractors.

Caite:

You love tractors.

Caite:

But this is like, if every day you went out and changed the oil three fucking

Caite:

times and everybody bitched about how they don't like how you changed the

Caite:

oil, but you never got to drive it.

Caite:

You never got to take it out of the shed.

Caite:

You just changed the fucking oil.

Caite:

You're not.

Caite:

This is not what I love about cooking.

Caite:

Making chicken nuggets 50 fucking times a day.

Caite:

Microwaving corn dogs is not why I went to school.

Caite:

Okay.

Caite:

Exactly.

Caite:

I like, I don't want cook, I don't want to eat the stuff that I would

Caite:

like to cook because at this point I'm so tired that I'm not gonna like

Caite:

cook a four course meal and then, you know, sit down and then clean up.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Couldn't I have a fucking corn dog?

Arlene:

Exactly.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

Cuz when you were cook, when you were cooking, you had a dishwasher too, right?

Arlene:

So you could make a, all the mess you wanted and somebody got

Caite:

was someone else's job to clean it up.

Arlene:

Somebody.

Arlene:

Right?

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

That's a whole different task.

Faith:

And like I find like trying to cook new food that I'm gonna be

Faith:

interested in, that the kids like, it's like bang in my head on a wall.

Faith:

I'm like, I don't want chicken nuggets.

Faith:

Can we just try something different?

Faith:

And they're like, well, no, I want chicken nuggets.

Faith:

I'm like, fuck you.

Faith:

Then have your chicken nuggets and I'm gonna make my chicken nugget look pretty.

Faith:

Then, I don't know,

Caite:

just garnish the shit out of those chicken nuggets.

Caite:

Faith, just garnish the shit out of it.

Caite:

There you go.

Caite:

It's got a drizzle and tossed in something.

Caite:

It gets a little, little, uh, radish roses right there next

Caite:

to your, next to your nuggets.

Caite:

Plopped right there on top of the ranch.

Faith:

Right.

Faith:

That was the staple of my box now, and that's how I picked them, knowing

Faith:

that this product is going to be used.

Faith:

And what would be even better is if I introduced you to a, a cooking

Faith:

product or a cleaning product and you went, I love this so much, I'm

Faith:

now gonna buy from them directly.

Faith:

Because now I've connected two people that probably would've never found

Faith:

each other because a lot of Canadian businesses don't go on Amazon,

Faith:

um, until they're big, big, big.

Faith:

But how do you get big?

Faith:

When people don't know about you, it's an like such a weird concept to me that

Faith:

a lot of people don't know about people.

Faith:

And even for myself, the businesses I've come across, I'm like, how,

Faith:

how long have you been in business?

Faith:

Oh, I've been in business for like 10, 15 years.

Faith:

I'm like,

Arlene:

oh, that,

Faith:

that's cool.

Faith:

You know your shit.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

And those little businesses that are maybe in like their local stores

Arlene:

or a handful of grocery stores, you know, kind of like those small

Arlene:

regional economies, but are, you know, maybe have online shops, but Yeah.

Arlene:

How do they then branch out and find new customers right outside of their area?

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

I hate to say too, like I use Amazon because I can get everything at one place.

Caite:

Like I would much rather support local places.

Caite:

But if I have to like order from one place and then order from another

Caite:

place and then keep track of all those packages, it just, and pay shipping

Arlene:

on everything.

Caite:

Yes.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Just.

Caite:

I don't wanna deal with it.

Faith:

So my eventual idea is to have a warehouse of cooking and cleaning products

Faith:

that you can try out in the subscription.

Faith:

And if you love it, we can just create it again for you.

Faith:

That would be the ideal world, because Exactly.

Faith:

I don't wanna go to six different places.

Faith:

I don't have time.

Faith:

I really don't.

Faith:

I wish I could say I did, but I got a husband who's a farmer that

Faith:

I've gotta run meals to or check on him or I'm stuck, come get me.

Faith:

And then I've got kids going, well, I got sports in school,

Faith:

are you gonna come get me?

Faith:

Like, no, I don't have time for this shit.

Faith:

I just don't.

Faith:

And then all of my city friends are always like, well, faith, you

Faith:

know your house is looking so blah.

Faith:

Don't you have any like decor pieces that you set out every holiday?

Faith:

Or don't you like, has there something new in your house?

Faith:

I'm like, I'll go to the fucking barn and grab some old wheels or

Faith:

something, I'll throw 'em in the house.

Faith:

Do you want that?

Faith:

Like, I don't have time to go shopping for home, for house decor.

Faith:

You guys, who does?

Faith:

Who's got that time?

Faith:

But people are like, well why not?

Faith:

I don't understand.

Faith:

You're stay home mom now.

Faith:

And I'm like, no, nope.

Faith:

No, it's way different.

Faith:

It's so different.

Faith:

Um, so that's where the home decor piece had tied in was I was so

Faith:

sick of people saying, well, you know, just look at Pinterest.

Faith:

You can go to the dollar store and get stuff.

Faith:

I'm like, I have time to create dollar store decor, you guys.

Faith:

I really don't care.

Faith:

I'm thinking about how I'm going to survive and cook the

Faith:

chicken fucking nuggets tonight.

Faith:

That's my plan.

Caite:

I love.

Caite:

You may have seen on Yeah, and it's, oh, sorry, Arlene, on our Instagram I posted,

Caite:

you know, we see all this farmhouse decor.

Caite:

Thank you Chip and Joanna of just white.

Caite:

Minimalist shit.

Caite:

And I posted a picture of our entryway with the literal like

Caite:

mountain of coats that is as tall as I am, and I am almost six feet tall.

Caite:

That's just like an avalanche.

Caite:

And I'm like, you know, no, farmhouse Magazine has come

Caite:

to feature my house recently.

Caite:

And then when people are like, this is my seasonal decor that I put out

Caite:

for two weeks before Halloween, and then I put it away and I'm like,

Caite:

God bless you for having the energy.

Caite:

But how, like I know people with small children and jobs who do this and

Caite:

like, I legitimately don't understand how, you know, like more, more power.

Caite:

I have,

Arlene:

I have cobwebs, but yeah, they're, they're seasonal.

Arlene:

Like actual spiders.

Arlene:

That's good.

Arlene:

Halloween

Caite:

decor for me, it's a little nature preserve right in the house, Arlene.

Caite:

Yeah, for sure.

Arlene:

So that you already mentioned one of your future goals for the business.

Arlene:

Um, do you have any other things that you're working towards or things that

Arlene:

you have in the back of your mind that you're, uh, would like to see

Faith:

in the future?

Faith:

Um, I think just getting my name out there.

Faith:

So I have been kind of for two years that hidden secret, that hidden gem

Faith:

because I was like, well, I'm a farmer's wife and I've found, um, coming from

Faith:

the city, I'm very like, I'm gonna do me, you do, you, you got the farm,

Faith:

good on you, but I'm gonna do my thing.

Faith:

And people are like, no, you're a farm wife.

Faith:

Like where do you get that mentality from?

Faith:

You gotta fit into this farm wife box.

Faith:

And I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll try.

Faith:

And my husband's like, no.

Faith:

If I wanted that, I would've married somebody out here.

Faith:

I found you.

Faith:

I love you.

Faith:

And I'm like, thank you so much.

Faith:

Thank you.

Faith:

But my next year.

Faith:

Getting people to know who I am and knowing that I'm out here.

Faith:

And you don't have to be some high princess to have the decor in my box.

Faith:

You don't have to be somebody that's like, oh, I'm gonna get a subscription.

Faith:

It's just gonna be filled with shit.

Faith:

I can't stand subscription boxes that have shit in them where it piles up,

Faith:

like you guys were saying, it piles up.

Faith:

Then you feel guilty that it's piled up because you're not

Faith:

spending time on yourself.

Faith:

No, I want this stuff to be used in a month.

Faith:

And if you, it takes you longer to use, it means that you

Faith:

don't like it, get rid of it.

Faith:

If you pass it along to the next person, if you like it,

Faith:

you're gonna use it real quick.

Faith:

Um, so that's where my goals are.

Faith:

Just getting people to know I'm here.

Faith:

Um, sadly I'm only gonna be focusing on Canada.

Faith:

So the u my us ladies, I have a lot of them like, Hey, what about us?

Faith:

And I'm going, Oh, it's so logistical issues right now.

Faith:

I'm not even gonna be touching that for many years to come.

Faith:

So I'm gonna focus here on Canada and really get people to know that I'm here

Faith:

and I'm here to support the motherhood journey, not make it more stressful.

Faith:

Um,

Caite:

so off topic, how did you and your husband meet?

Faith:

Well, I'm gonna be honest because honesty is the best policy.

Faith:

We lied to everyone in our life.

Faith:

We said that we met at an auction house, which is kind of true.

Faith:

Um, after my, I had my daughter, uh, her sperm donor, I had split, and I use the

Faith:

word sperm donor because he truly is, um, a piece of work, very toxic and abusive.

Faith:

Um, so I was like, I'm not dating anyone.

Faith:

And my mother is, again, another toxic person in my life.

Faith:

So she's jumped from small town to small town.

Faith:

So I've always kind of had that small town feel to me, and I've kept in contact

Faith:

with a lot of my friends and they went.

Faith:

We're gonna put you on a website called Farmers.

Faith:

Only you heard of it.

Arlene:

Katie met her husband on

Caite:

Farmers only

Caite:

when on my first date.

Caite:

But guys are twin.

Caite:

The literally the day after he told his parents he was never getting married.

Caite:

He was never having kids.

Caite:

Nothing.

Caite:

We went on six dates and seven days.

Caite:

We were engaged three months later.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Obviously.

Faith:

So my friends had put me on there and they had paid for a

Faith:

month and they said, if you wanna keep after a month, it's on you.

Faith:

And I was like, fuck that.

Faith:

I'm not paying to fucking meet a guy.

Faith:

Like the fuck.

Faith:

So two days before my.

Faith:

Account was going to expire.

Faith:

And I had only met US farmers.

Faith:

It was very few and far between Canadian ones.

Faith:

And if they were, they were in Alberta.

Faith:

And I was like, Ugh, I don't know if I can move from my family.

Faith:

I'm so close to them.

Faith:

So I had met Devin and in two days, like I really was like,

Faith:

uh, I don't even wanna date.

Faith:

I really have no interest in this.

Faith:

Well, two days I said, hi, my, my name is Faith.

Faith:

And he's like, where do you work?

Faith:

I work at an auction house.

Faith:

And then it expired and I don't know why he thought this is the one.

Faith:

And he stalked the shit out of me to find out the auction

Arlene:

house I was at, and then

Faith:

proceeded to come to the auction house and was like, oh, you know who I am.

Arlene:

Do I know who you're,

Caite:

should I,

Arlene:

should I know who

Faith:

you're?

Faith:

And then like after that, he was so persistent and like, so smitten by me

Faith:

and I was like, Yeah, you're so cute.

Faith:

But I'm a city girl, can you move your farm closer?

Faith:

Like, what?

Faith:

And he's like, yeah, does that work?

Faith:

And ironically enough, he was just coming out of a marriage.

Faith:

Um, he has had a very toxic marriage.

Faith:

They, they were, you know, high school dating, oh, we live in a small

Faith:

town, you'll never find anybody.

Faith:

Let's just make it work.

Faith:

And yeah, he had just come outta that marriage and we had met it.

Faith:

They, she had been moved out for a couple of weeks.

Faith:

They had split a year before.

Faith:

But, um, when it comes to fathers and parenting, it becomes very, Toxic.

Faith:

Sadly a lot of mothers will take the children away or you're on a farm while

Faith:

I'm going to the city kind of thing.

Faith:

So they had split before.

Faith:

He wanted to keep them home for harvest.

Faith:

And then after harvest, so this was November when we had met and I didn't

Faith:

understand when we had met what everyone around us was like, wow, she is a harlett.

Faith:

She's the one that split this marriage up.

Faith:

She's this.

Faith:

And I'm like, whatcha talking about?

Faith:

And it's because they were just such a private farm there.

Faith:

They don't talk about anything.

Faith:

So we just, he's like, do you mind if we lie how we match?

Faith:

And I was like, I'm okay with that.

Faith:

Cause I think people might think we're really fucked up if we go, Hey, I met on

Faith:

farmers only, but I know nothing about farms and I'm so naive that you can like

Faith:

bullshit your way on anything with a farm.

Faith:

And he's like, yeah, let's just like keep it on the down low.

Faith:

So we've never told anyone that we met on Farmers only, but like I will,

Faith:

I I gave them a raving review saying I met my husband and I would highly

Faith:

recommend the site to anyone that wants to get into the farming community

Caite:

early.

Caite:

We should get them to sponsor us.

Caite:

Cause I think, didn't we have another guest who met

Caite:

their spouse on Farmers only?

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

Uh, Andy, um, Cajun, um, yeah, see Yes.

Arlene:

He and his wife Martin

Caite:

met on there too.

Caite:

We should notes us though and see how many farmers we matched with in

Caite:

common faith and see it's uh, there's a

Arlene:

real, real Yes.

Arlene:

There was some crossover in the years

Caite:

you were on there.

Caite:

Yeah, yeah.

Faith:

Yeah.

Faith:

So that's how we met.

Faith:

We met at Farmers only.

Faith:

And I just think it's so funny because.

Faith:

I, I'm clearly, I have no farming background.

Faith:

I just thought it would be a great way to raise kids.

Faith:

It was more simplistic life than having the bitty busy

Faith:

hustle and bustle of the city.

Faith:

That was the only reason I was like, maybe a farmer would be good for me.

Caite:

So one of the reasons that we started the podcast was the

Caite:

isolation after becoming parents.

Caite:

And I'm wondering what your transition to motherhood was like and especially, you

Caite:

know, going from having one kid, right?

Caite:

Two kids when you had

Faith:

Yeah, I had one, I had one, he had two.

Faith:

So it was motherhood transition from one to three, but it was also the transition

Faith:

of going from a, an severely abusive relationship to a normal relationship.

Faith:

So my first bit of motherhood was just so weird.

Faith:

I didn't know how to do it.

Faith:

I was also, um, I'm a lot younger than my husband.

Faith:

I'm seven years younger, so everyone was like, oh, she's

Faith:

such a baby, she's such a child.

Faith:

And I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

Faith:

If I can have a child, I'm not a child.

Faith:

Like I'm mature enough to make the decision to move two

Faith:

hours away from my family.

Faith:

Um, but it's been interesting because when I was a mother with my first,

Faith:

um, I was surrounded by family.

Faith:

It was so unique in the city where you had mom and baby groups.

Faith:

You had, uh, pregnancy groups, you had this group, you had that group.

Faith:

When you move rural, there is nothing.

Faith:

You are stuck at a house with a baby trying to figure it out.

Faith:

And in Canada, here, It's because my husband is such a large farmer.

Faith:

We counted the one day he's, he's taken over 20 farms.

Faith:

So all those farm yards that used to be around that people would get

Faith:

together, there's not that anymore.

Faith:

There's one.

Faith:

So it is so different coming into this situation of the transition

Faith:

of city life to farm life.

Faith:

And I understand the struggles and I understand why people are like, this

Faith:

is fucked up, but how do you fix it?

Faith:

It's, it's an interesting dynamic.

Faith:

And then when we had our twins, um, I was supposed to be in the

Faith:

hospital due to the type they are.

Faith:

So they share one sack, one placenta.

Faith:

So basically the most high twins we could have gotten, we got, and

Faith:

it was the realization of driving two hours for an appointment.

Faith:

It was like, oh my gosh, this is stupid.

Faith:

And then all of a sudden them going, you can't be on the farm anymore.

Faith:

You have to be in the city going, why?

Faith:

Because it's gonna take us an hour to get you to a hospital.

Faith:

And I was like, why?

Faith:

Like,

Arlene:

can't you just figure this out quicker?

Faith:

Like, I'm not moving to the city.

Faith:

So when I transitioned to having the twins at home, I didn't have a lot of family

Faith:

support because they're two hours away.

Faith:

I didn't have a lot of the systems in place because it's two hours away.

Faith:

And when you try to start something I.

Faith:

There might only be one other pregnant person or one other person with

Faith:

a little one on mat leave because there's not a lot of us out here.

Faith:

So that isolation is just so different out here than in the city.

Caite:

I found too that once my kids started school, you know, like same

Caite:

with going into town to go to any sort of baby or child groups, but the

Caite:

friends I made lived, you know, 20 miles on the other side of town and with

Caite:

little ones in a place that has winter and there's no spontaneous way to do

Caite:

anything, you know, you have to plan a month ahead and then just pray that

Caite:

nobody gets sick or it doesn't storm, or you know, and God forbid if your kids

Caite:

don't like, aren't besties, then you're like forcing them to play together.

Caite:

Mm-hmm.

Caite:

And it's been such a great transition now that they're in school and I've like.

Caite:

Met other parents who live, you know, like in town.

Caite:

And we're already in town because we have to get the kids from school, you know?

Caite:

And so we can just be like, Hey, you wanna have pizza?

Caite:

You know, why don't we come over?

Caite:

You can come over to our house and we can let our kids destroy the house

Caite:

and we can eat pizza and ignore them.

Caite:

You know, which is generally my parenting strategy, you know?

Caite:

But it's, it's such, I had not realized how lonely I was to just have friends

Caite:

that I could just hang out with instead of having to like plan this whole

Caite:

fucking elaborate thing to see another adult human for an hour, you know?

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

It's just, Oh,

Arlene:

and when and when the kids are little, you're also managing, you

Arlene:

know, and they're gonna fall asleep.

Arlene:

And if you're driving half an hour to go to someone's house, like are they gonna

Arlene:

fall asleep on the way there, or two minutes before you pull in the driveway?

Arlene:

And then yeah.

Arlene:

If they spend the whole time screaming, it's not very relaxing or fun for anybody.

Arlene:

Right.

Arlene:

And yeah, all that, all that coordination is, uh, challenging.

Arlene:

And I imagine with twins it's even

Faith:

worse.

Faith:

Yeah, it is.

Faith:

It's different being like having singles and then going to the twins.

Faith:

It was like, so when my daughter, she's a girl, when I found out I was having

Faith:

twins, I was like, please be girls.

Faith:

Please be girls.

Faith:

What the hell am I gonna do with a penis?

Faith:

How am I gonna clean it?

Faith:

What am I gonna do with it?

Faith:

I'm

Arlene:

freaking out.

Arlene:

I don't want

Faith:

boys.

Faith:

And my husband was like, I don't want girls.

Faith:

I don't know what to do with girls.

Faith:

And ours are identical.

Faith:

So we were either two girls or two boys.

Faith:

And, uh, the one thing I do appreciate with my husband is he's so supportive

Faith:

with the twins because, and I'm just so, such of a, I'm not giving up type.

Faith:

I'm gonna make my life hell before I give up.

Faith:

So I was carrying two little babies to the hockey rink with two kids behind

Faith:

me with their hockey equipment, going to the dressing room to get everyone

Faith:

done up because at that time, um, The farm just needed his attention more.

Faith:

And I was like, I don't care.

Faith:

I'm going out.

Faith:

I don't care.

Faith:

So I can see where, but also in the same breath, I've held myself back.

Faith:

I never went to the swimming pool.

Faith:

I was like, how the fuck am I going to swim with two babies?

Faith:

This does not sound enjoyable at all.

Faith:

Or when it came to chores, we do have chickens.

Faith:

I don't really consider them livestock because the amount of

Faith:

eggs they produce, we eat in a day.

Faith:

So like there's no selling there.

Faith:

We've had people, oh, do you sell eggs?

Faith:

No, no, we eat our eggs.

Faith:

Um, and then we've also had like butchering chickens or our turkeys

Faith:

that we butchered, but like trying to get them to come with

Faith:

me to the barn to feed and water.

Faith:

I was like, oh my gosh, this is painful.

Faith:

So he would come up with little systems.

Faith:

He would get them their own little special pale and half the eggs

Faith:

would break on the way home, but.

Faith:

At least they were doing something and he's like, at least you're out.

Faith:

And I'm like, yeah.

Faith:

Or um, his, his picture on his Facebook is all seven of us in a f combine.

Faith:

It's tight.

Faith:

It is nice and tight

Arlene:

as tight can

Faith:

be, but we do it.

Faith:

And it's interesting that most men are like, you're fucked, Devin.

Faith:

Why?

Faith:

Why do you have everyone in there?

Faith:

How do you get anything done?

Faith:

And I'm like, but we did this when we first started dating.

Faith:

Can't we continue?

Faith:

And it's so beautiful that we still do, but the kids now are getting

Faith:

to the age, like the 13 year old.

Faith:

He's the size of me.

Faith:

He's a big boy.

Faith:

So it's like having three adults and four children.

Faith:

So now, because we have workers, they usually try and take a couple from us

Arlene:

and the kids are like, yes, I'll go with you.

Arlene:

I don't care.

Arlene:

But so beautiful to see how we, I can breathe.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

We have a hired guy who's like our four year old's bestie.

Caite:

Like our son is so obsessed and it's amazing because he, yeah.

Caite:

Like we take him out and it's just a hellscape, you know, he goes

Caite:

to solace and like, he's actually helpful when Solis is here.

Caite:

Fine.

Caite:

Try not to take it personally.

Caite:

Right.

Faith:

And that's, that's the key word.

Faith:

You try not to take it personal.

Faith:

It's hard.

Faith:

It's like what the, they were sat with you and they did it scream the whole time.

Faith:

They scream with us.

Faith:

What?

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

So you've talked about being a blended family.

Arlene:

How has that transition gone for the, on the kid level and you know, like how, you

Arlene:

know, like two from different families who are now in the same family and the same

Arlene:

age, and then the transition to having new baby siblings, all that kind of stuff.

Arlene:

So how has the, how has the kid dynamic gone in your

Faith:

house?

Faith:

It's been interesting.

Faith:

I come from a blended family, so my mom and dad split before I was even born.

Faith:

So I've always kind of had that stepparent in my life.

Faith:

Um, and then with my grandparents, they also, so my mother was adopted,

Faith:

which this is a crazy story.

Faith:

So she's adopted, she has adopted parents and biological parents.

Faith:

Well, the adopted parents decided to split.

Faith:

So I have three sets of grandparents on one side, but

Faith:

they all blend so beautifully.

Faith:

Like they're always at every birthday, they're always at every function.

Faith:

I would be like grandma and all three of my grandmas would look

Faith:

at me and I'm like, uh, grandma one, grandma two, grandma three.

Faith:

So that's how I pictured it coming into this situation.

Faith:

And it's a very high conflict situation.

Faith:

So I have really taken the, the opportunity to allow

Faith:

the boys to come to me.

Faith:

It wasn't, I'm your mom, you need to love me.

Faith:

It was, I'm just a friend and I've been where you are with high conflict parents.

Faith:

I've been where you are, where it's shitty, let's just hang out.

Faith:

And that bond that grew was just so beautiful.

Faith:

And with my daughter, um, Devin met her when she was two.

Faith:

She has no recollection of her sperm donor, so she just assumed.

Faith:

We were religious, so we said, oh, God gave you a mommy and

Faith:

just waited to give you a daddy.

Faith:

Well, that kind of came to a head in grade, well, last year, so they

Faith:

were eight and the word adoption came out and it was just like, ooh.

Faith:

And it was, they were using it in a negative word term.

Faith:

So she was like, well, is adoption bad?

Faith:

And I was, we're like, Nope, it's not bad at all, but let's try and unpack this.

Faith:

So she refuses to say adoption.

Faith:

Um, that's her dad.

Faith:

This is her family.

Faith:

Now, the boys, because of the toxic disease of the parents,

Faith:

they have had resilience to her.

Faith:

They don't know how to treat her.

Faith:

And the teachers have really said when they're with dad, that sister,

Faith:

when they're with mom, it's not.

Faith:

So the kids have even learned how to, to pivot.

Faith:

So seamlessly that it just looks normal now.

Faith:

And when parents look at a blended family and say, oh, you know, I want it to be

Faith:

better, or, oh, the kids are suffering.

Faith:

Oh, this, they're very adaptive.

Faith:

And our family has been so adaptive to so many different things

Faith:

where I've gone, I hate this.

Faith:

I don't like how we're toxic or I don't like how this is happening,

Faith:

but I can't change anyone.

Faith:

And it's hard when you're in a blended family to be like,

Faith:

I'm gonna change everything.

Faith:

Um, so that's been interesting.

Faith:

And then when it came to our twins, I was put on bed rest super early, and my kids

Faith:

were just like, mom, you do it all like.

Faith:

Come on, come, let's go play outside.

Faith:

And I'm like, I can't.

Faith:

I'll sit and watch you.

Faith:

And then the twins were in the nicu.

Faith:

So I was gone for six weeks where it was just dad.

Faith:

And again, the kids really struggled because I was always the boy support.

Faith:

I was always that constant parent.

Faith:

I was always there.

Faith:

And then having that taken away, they were through a loop again.

Faith:

So now the twins are four, and we're finally getting back

Faith:

to that same less parenting.

Faith:

But I think in any blended family, you're gonna have highs

Faith:

and you're gonna have lows.

Faith:

And it's okay.

Faith:

And I think people don't say that enough that it's okay.

Faith:

It's either one or the other.

Faith:

I think it's gonna be good or it's gonna be bad.

Faith:

You can't have

Caite:

both.

Caite:

I think so much of blended families is parents getting over their fear that

Caite:

somebody else is gonna take their place.

Caite:

Um, you know, as a, as a child of a single parent family, I, I'm a

Caite:

huge believer in the more people who love your kids the better.

Caite:

And I, I'm sure I would feel differently if there was another woman coming

Caite:

in to raise my kids, but, oh yeah.

Caite:

I think ideally the more people who love and support your family, the better.

Caite:

And whether that person is biological family or, you know, even maybe especially

Caite:

folks who aren't part of that family dynamic, you know that the more adults who

Caite:

are looking out for your kids, the better.

Caite:

That's, you know, there are never gonna be too many people

Caite:

loving your kid, and that's.

Caite:

Yeah, that's what that is.

Caite:

And you know anyone who's threatened by that needs to go to therapy

Caite:

and work out their own shit.

Caite:

That's about you and not about those kids.

Caite:

Yes.

Faith:

And I used to take it so personal with my boys.

Faith:

Well, they won't call me mom, but they call her stepdad dad.

Faith:

Well, I learned it was because it was forced.

Faith:

Now the boys, which I'll get teary-eyed, I'm a big believer

Faith:

in counseling and therapy.

Faith:

I forced his ex-wife and me and my husband and her husband to sit in a

Faith:

room together for a whole year and a half of painstaking counseling.

Faith:

That got us nowhere.

Faith:

But everyone was like, why are we doing this?

Faith:

And I was like, because it'll make us better.

Faith:

It did not.

Faith:

But we tried.

Faith:

But my sons referred to me in counseling as mom.

Faith:

They won't say it to my face.

Faith:

Heaven forbid it leaves that room.

Faith:

But they see it and.

Faith:

I, I understand why you would feel threatened, why somebody else is now,

Faith:

because my husband says it all the time.

Faith:

It pisses me off that they call their stepdad dad, like it should be stepdad.

Faith:

And I said, how hard is it to say stepdad?

Faith:

He's like, well, what do you mean?

Faith:

I was like, it's two syllables.

Faith:

Stepdad, dad.

Faith:

I'm yelling.

Faith:

I'm saying one.

Faith:

He's like, oh, I get it right.

Caite:

I think too, even if the therapy doesn't immediately feel like it helps

Caite:

your kids see that you are trying and that helps, that is worth it.

Caite:

Whether it fixes anything or not, because they're seeing how

Caite:

we treat each other and how to.

Caite:

Deal with people they might not like and how to do what's best for the

Caite:

family, even if they don't want to.

Caite:

And even if that person is a pain in their ass.

Caite:

And you know, the, there is a level of respect we give people, even if they

Caite:

don't deserve it, because they are humans.

Caite:

And especially if we share children that we act like fucking grownups.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Cause I will admit that people who use their children as leverage

Caite:

think we should probably set 'em on fire.

Caite:

I don't, I don't feel like that's too strong.

Caite:

Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

I, you know, whatever your fucking problems are with each other, fine.

Caite:

Like, go to town on hating each other.

Caite:

I don't care.

Caite:

Leave your kids out of it.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

That's, and

Faith:

I think you have two.

Faith:

Social media parents, I always find you have the social media parents that

Faith:

are perfect co-parents, and we sit together at hockey games and we do

Faith:

this and we, we do everything together.

Faith:

And then you have the other ones that are like, this is horrific.

Faith:

And my kids are traumatized.

Faith:

It's okay to be in the middle.

Faith:

I can say hi to my husband's ex-wife.

Faith:

I can say, hi, how are you?

Faith:

And continue on my way.

Faith:

Do we sit and talk?

Faith:

No.

Faith:

Do my twins go up to her?

Faith:

Yep.

Faith:

My daughter went up to her because she's in their life whether I like it or not.

Faith:

And the only issue I ever had was where she blurred the lines

Faith:

a little of my boundaries.

Faith:

But that's gonna happen because we're two different people.

Faith:

And the children saw that I held firm on my boundaries and now they

Faith:

set boundaries, which I appreciate.

Faith:

Sometimes I'm like, the fuck kind of boundaries is that?

Faith:

And then I have to out and go, oh, wait, I set boundary with you.

Faith:

Okay, hi.

Faith:

You can have your stupid

Caite:

boundary.

Caite:

But like, it's, it's really fucking hard when your kids start setting boundaries

Caite:

with you because I'm like, let's teach our kids about consent and bo autonomy.

Caite:

And I'm like, I didn't fucking mean me.

Caite:

If I wanna hug you and you don't wanna hug, I still get to hug you.

Caite:

And they're like, no, fuck you.

Caite:

Like I made you, now I have to go respect your boundaries because I'm

Caite:

the one who told you to have 'em.

Caite:

And now, you know, it doesn't really set a good boundary to be like, well

Caite:

have boundaries except if the other person really wants you to do whatever.

Caite:

And then, right.

Caite:

And then you should just let them do whatever.

Caite:

That's kind of the point.

Faith:

And like, my bonus voice, I'm very affectionate and I'm

Faith:

very affectionate to my daughters.

Faith:

And they were like, why aren't you affectionate to me?

Faith:

And I was like, oh, I, I can definitely hug and kiss you.

Faith:

Well, no, I don't want you to.

Faith:

I just am asking, and I looked at my daughter's like, do you like how

Faith:

I hug and kiss you and smother you?

Faith:

She's like, not really.

Faith:

I was like, oh, why did we open this worm?

Arlene:

Shut up.

Arlene:

You're doing

Faith:

everybody.

Arlene:

Don't men.

Arlene:

Okay.

Arlene:

Just don't mention it.

Faith:

So I think when it comes to blended families, just acknowledging

Faith:

there's highs and lows and it's okay to be in the middle.

Faith:

And when it comes to farming, being the second wife is hard,

Faith:

and it's okay to say it's hard.

Faith:

And navigating that has been very interesting, and I'm excited

Faith:

to see where my life takes me.

Faith:

But I'm also very much of a, you wanna die on that hill, you

Faith:

die on it because guess what?

Faith:

In 40 years, you're gonna be dead anyways.

Faith:

So the I'll have to cook a meal.

Faith:

Sorry.

Arlene:

That's how I

Caite:

always look at it.

Caite:

I'm sure too.

Caite:

I, uh, I clearly did not read this question in a way that Arlene meant

Caite:

it to be read, because it says, you know, how do you and your partner

Caite:

manage the adult relationships?

Caite:

And I was like, well, I mean, they have twins, Arlene, so I'm

Caite:

guessing they manage 'em just fine.

Caite:

Get a little, it's not what I meant, Katie.

Caite:

It's a little personal here.

Caite:

Um, but I'm sure too, it's gotta be a real challenge to, to marry.

Caite:

I mean, because the fucked up part about marrying into a farm when

Caite:

you're coming from outside is that you marry into a whole community.

Caite:

And when you're the second wife of somebody who married their high school

Caite:

sweetheart, and presumably you all still live in this little tiny place.

Caite:

Yep.

Caite:

How fucked up is that?

Arlene:

Cause you hear her voice.

Faith:

Um, yeah.

Arlene:

And that you're marrying into a business, which I'm sure we don't have

Arlene:

to remind you either, but, you know, the, the whole farm aspect, I'm sure

Arlene:

is a whole different dynamic that, you know, adds levels of, of complication

Faith:

to it as well.

Faith:

And I thought of farmers as like, this is gonna sound so city, but

Faith:

we all know that I'm, I'm that city girl, like on the tv, right?

Faith:

Like, you're a little farm, you're chugging away in your tractor.

Faith:

And now I'm like, oh yeah, you chug away on your tractor, but you also

Faith:

have a multibillion dollar piece of equipment and like all of these things

Faith:

and holy, you're not just a farm, eh?

Faith:

And he's like, oh yeah, I'm still a farmer.

Faith:

I'm like, you have employees honey, you're incorporated.

Faith:

You are a farm, but you're, you're a fa you're a big farm.

Faith:

And he's like, ah.

Faith:

You know, so when I came into the picture, um, I was met with

Faith:

a prenup and I was like, the fuck kind of bitch you think I am?

Faith:

And we were not gonna get engaged until that prenup was signed.

Faith:

And he, so we were together for five years before we got married.

Faith:

And it wasn't because of the prenup, it was because he was

Faith:

terrified about what would happen.

Faith:

Cuz he knew his parents had said, if you're gonna get engaged

Faith:

again, you need to have a prenup.

Faith:

And he was like, Faith's gonna kill me.

Faith:

She'd not gonna be happy with this, but like, I don't even

Faith:

wanna approach this subject.

Faith:

And I looked at him, I said, yeah, I'll sign it.

Faith:

And he went, what?

Faith:

He's like, are you fucking with me?

Faith:

You're fucking with me, right?

Faith:

Like, this is too easy.

Faith:

And I was like, yeah, I don't care.

Faith:

If we leave, I just ask that I get the clothes on my back

Faith:

and a vehicle to drive please.

Faith:

And that's it.

Faith:

And he was like, okay.

Faith:

And when it came to farming and blending a family, I asked my

Faith:

husband this question the other day.

Faith:

And you know what, it's funny you say that cuz he was like, are they mean sexually?

Faith:

Like do they wanna know how we keep it alive during

Caite:

harvest?

Caite:

I'm glad that wasn't just me cuz I was like, Arlene Christ.

Caite:

Like I, I know we get personal on this show, but I feel like that

Caite:

might be too far even for us.

Caite:

Even for me, Arlene is much more radio than I'm, I was

Arlene:

definitely talk.

Arlene:

About the grownups who are like the parents of all the children.

Arlene:

I'm glad it wasn't just not the interpersonal relation,

Arlene:

marriage relationships,

Faith:

the miracles.

Faith:

He definitely, he told me to lie because we don't do this.

Faith:

He's like, well tell everyone that, um, you know, those vibrators that you can

Faith:

control from your phone so that when you're in the tractor, you guys can

Faith:

still, I was like, honey, I don't think that's the question they're asking.

Faith:

I think they're asking of like, how do we deal with our emotional problems?

Faith:

He's like, no, that's exactly where this question is going.

Faith:

You gotta tell everyone, this is how great our sex life is, so everyone just follows.

Faith:

And I was like,

Caite:

like it's real wild, but in a normal, that's a whole other subscription

Arlene:

box.

Arlene:

I was like, wow, honey.

Faith:

Like, damn, I, I don't think that's where we're going, so I'm

Faith:

gonna have to tell about that.

Faith:

Is that in the Valentine's Day

Arlene:

subscription box?

Faith:

Right.

Caite:

It's a stress relief box right there, Arlene.

Caite:

Right.

Faith:

Um, and ironically enough, our twins were conceived in me.

Faith:

So like everyone swears up and down in a tractor and I'm like, no, actually

Faith:

it probably was a rain day you guys.

Faith:

And they're like, what do you mean?

Faith:

I'm like, there are rain days.

Faith:

And I'm, I, I'm not that person in a tractor yet.

Faith:

He's, he's, I don't know if this is a farmer thing, but he's like, we, we need

Faith:

to, in a, before I die, it has to happen.

Faith:

I'm like, why?

Faith:

Like why?

Caite:

Well, I mean, if there's room for seven of you in that

Caite:

combine, there's room for that.

Caite:

I mean, I'm just, I'm gonna go ahead and say it.

Caite:

It's clearly spacious.

Faith:

And he said, well, why do you think there's autopilot now?

Faith:

And I was like, really?

Faith:

That's why, like, and he's like, oh, honey.

Faith:

And I was like, oh, I thought all you farmers were like, this is why we create

Arlene:

autopilot in our combines and

Caite:

doctors.

Caite:

This is why you gotta move just on that.

Caite:

You gotta move to places where you have, uh, rows that are, you know, a

Caite:

couple miles long so you can really, yeah, you got short rows, you got.

Caite:

Oh my God, this is even for us.

Caite:

This is,

Arlene:

but all right, so we're gonna go back to the twin talk.

Arlene:

Moving.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

Cause

Faith:

when comes adults, I don't think we deal with it a very well.

Faith:

We deal with it with humor.

Faith:

We deal with it knowing that this is the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of

Faith:

my life with, whether I like him today or I don't like him tomorrow, this is it.

Faith:

And for us, knowing that this is it, we just have to work on our shit.

Faith:

There's lots of times where he's like, I'm just gonna sweep it under the rug.

Faith:

And I'm like, sure, but just remember six months from now I'm pulling

Faith:

that fucker up and we're gonna look.

Faith:

And he's like, no.

Faith:

Or being your husband's, um, shield, like I am so an overbearing woman to him.

Faith:

And when it comes to, we're in the process of farm succession planning

Faith:

and with his ex-wife in court, I was always like, I gotta be your shield.

Faith:

I'm gonna defend you.

Faith:

I'm gonna be overpowering.

Faith:

And then he's like, are you listening to what I'm saying?

Faith:

I'm like, oh yeah, you have a voice.

Faith:

Oh yeah, I forgot about your, oh,

Arlene:

did you ask for me to do that?

Caite:

Like, oh, are you still here?

Faith:

Right.

Faith:

Oh no, I'm just defending you whether you like it or not.

Caite:

Right.

Faith:

So that would be my advice.

Faith:

When it comes to parenting, it's just knowing that you're

Faith:

gonna be there forever.

Faith:

And even if you're not, things happen and that's okay.

Faith:

But don't think about the end.

Faith:

Think about the middle.

Caite:

So Faith, I'm gonna add a question in here because I've, I feel

Caite:

like we know each other well enough now.

Caite:

Yeah, go ahead.

Caite:

And something that I've really struggled with is that if you're a

Caite:

person who prefers to look on the lighter side of things and to have fun,

Caite:

um, people don't take you seriously.

Caite:

Oh yeah.

Caite:

And I think especially in rural living, if you joke about things, if you dye your

Caite:

hair, funny colors, if you're wearing sea foam, green glasses, not that we're

Caite:

talking about anyone in particular, um, you know, if you are silly mm-hmm.

Caite:

People, there's such an assumption that you don't.

Caite:

Understand serious topics that you are not capable of being serious, that you

Caite:

can't possibly understand money or hard things or business or being an adult

Caite:

because you cannot wear I ironic t-shirts and be an adult at the same time.

Caite:

It's not possible.

Caite:

Mm-hmm.

Caite:

Um, I'm wondering what your experience has been like with this, because I know

Caite:

for myself, kind of the more I've embraced it, the easier it's been to just be like,

Caite:

people wanna under underestimate me.

Caite:

Fine.

Caite:

But it is such a fine line of like when to throw down with the fact that

Caite:

I am a fucking grownup, but also like I deal with a lot of hard shit and

Caite:

I prefer to deal with it by making fun of it, because otherwise it would

Caite:

just be really goddamn depressing.

Caite:

Um, So I'm wondering, I get the sense that you are perhaps same Zs

Caite:

office as in so many other ways.

Arlene:

Um,

Faith:

I think we're just like two of the same people just

Faith:

living not in the same town.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Um, it's probably just as well that we live so far apart because I have

Caite:

feeling that if we lived in the same town, it would probably implode.

Caite:

Like we would need bail money so fast.

Faith:

Um, yeah.

Faith:

So like for myself being a business owner now, um, I've

Faith:

had to change my own identity.

Faith:

Um, I was always a mom of five, always a mom of five.

Faith:

Well, you're a stay-at-home mom, you're a farmer's wife.

Faith:

And now I go, I own my own company.

Faith:

Oh.

Faith:

Is it like one of those MLMs?

Faith:

No, I own my own company.

Faith:

I come up with my own shit and I recently actually pitched my

Faith:

company to a panel of people.

Faith:

Got two mentors out of it, uh, more than two, like a handful.

Faith:

And, um, they looked at me and said, and I was like, you take me serious.

Faith:

And they were like, is this part of your pitch?

Faith:

Are you like, I was like, yeah, cuz I'm always the mom that can change the diaper.

Faith:

The mom that can tell you about feeding the mom that can this.

Faith:

And they're like, I see you as a business woman.

Faith:

So even in my own dynamic of family, a lot of my family still

Faith:

don't take my business serious.

Faith:

And I've just learned to say, you know what, watch what'll happen.

Faith:

My business has now been able to grow to the size that my twins are in daycare.

Faith:

That was never the plan.

Faith:

I, they were gonna be home with me until they were in grade one.

Faith:

Now I'm like, no, I can do this.

Faith:

Or when it comes to sexuality, I'm quite open and out in the rural community,

Faith:

they're like, we don't talk about that.

Faith:

And I'm like, why?

Faith:

Well, like why are we shy about it?

Faith:

It's a like, that's how kids are made.

Faith:

That's how people stay connected.

Faith:

And I am so grateful for my husband because there are so many times

Faith:

where he is blushing red or he is going, you know what, honey?

Faith:

Be you, I'm happy of you.

Faith:

I've got to talk to land owners of his land, renters.

Faith:

So he rents land from a lot of people that, some people, some women aren't

Faith:

even able to talk to them and they're like, faith, how do you talk to them?

Faith:

I'm like, I dunno.

Faith:

Cause it, the respect is given and taken and they're normal people and people

Faith:

are always like, I just don't get it.

Faith:

And it's, I struggled.

Faith:

There's many days where I'm like, maybe I should just be the farmer's wife.

Faith:

There would be less rumors, there'd be less talk, there would be less.

Faith:

And my husband looks and says, I don't think I'd be happy.

Faith:

And my kids, they always tell me, you know, mom, I can always tell when

Faith:

you're in the room, when you're in the school because you're snort of a laugh.

Faith:

You're loud and they enjoy it.

Faith:

So on the hard days, I let them be hard and I sit in the shower and I cry.

Faith:

But when I'm done, I put on my C foam glasses and I go, this is who I am.

Faith:

You're gonna take it or you're gonna leave it.

Faith:

And I wish I would've learned this lesson in high school.

Faith:

Why did I have to wait till I got closer to my thirties?

Faith:

Like that's bullshit.

Caite:

I.

Caite:

That imposter syndrome and that having enough self-confidence to just tell

Caite:

people to fuck around and find out.

Caite:

I, you know, I'm on, I do a lot of community activity stuff and

Caite:

I am on our local daycare board and we had an older male member

Caite:

mansplaining the concept of salary to all of us, you know, little ladies.

Caite:

And I finally sent an email that started with respectfully and went downhill pretty

Caite:

sharply for, because I am 41 years old.

Caite:

I'm a grown ass adult.

Caite:

I work for Microsoft.

Caite:

I understand the concept of salary.

Caite:

Thank you.

Caite:

And you know, if you assume that I'm flighty and stupid because my

Caite:

hair is a funny color that's on you.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

That has nothing to do with me.

Caite:

Mm-hmm.

Caite:

And that's.

Caite:

Being able to model that for my kids and for other adults because

Caite:

it gives other people permission to talk about hard things and to be

Caite:

who they are when somebody else has already just gone ahead and done it.

Caite:

Because I know, like we dealt with fertility problems and so many people

Caite:

are like, we had these problems too, but we just, we didn't talk about them.

Caite:

And I'm like, I did not cause these problems.

Caite:

This is not anything that I need to be ashamed of.

Caite:

I did not do anything wrong.

Caite:

Mm-hmm.

Caite:

You know, like I finally told the doctor one time, I was like, it's not like I

Caite:

was like doing coke off the back of a toilet in Vegas and it made me infertile,

Caite:

like, my body just doesn't work.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Like, what the fuck am I supposed to be ashamed about?

Caite:

And then, you know, like I ended up with gestational diabetes and

Caite:

I had people saying, well, you're so brave for admitting to it.

Caite:

And I'm like, To the fact that my body's too efficient.

Caite:

Like

Caite:

what the fuck I've done?

Caite:

Shit, I should actually be ashamed of, I am only, I only have enough shame

Caite:

for the things I've actually done.

Caite:

Like, I'm not gonna bother being ashamed of all this shit.

Caite:

That's, yeah.

Caite:

Let, let's not

Arlene:

start adding shame to our bodies when they're just doing their thing.

Arlene:

Right.

Arlene:

And there's, there's a test that we all take to see if we have that right.

Arlene:

Like, so that means it's pretty, pretty common.

Arlene:

If, if they're testing every pregnant person, I would be Catholic, like to find

Arlene:

out if they have gestational diabetes.

Arlene:

That means lots of us have it.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

You know, we have generations of shame.

Caite:

I don't need to be ashamed of shit.

Caite:

I didn't actually do.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Let,

Arlene:

let's make, let's not take on more anyway.

Arlene:

Yes.

Arlene:

Add this to

Caite:

the shame

Faith:

pile and I also.

Arlene:

Shame.

Arlene:

Imagine it's like the laundry mountain.

Arlene:

Yes.

Arlene:

But, and

Caite:

faith idea.

Caite:

You should make a like shame box.

Caite:

That should include a shame Bingo card.

Caite:

That would just be like, shit, you should probably be ashamed of.

Caite:

Yes.

Caite:

And just give us new ideas for new shit to be worried about or

Arlene:

cross out all the things that you don't need to be ashamed of.

Arlene:

Then we'll just, yeah.

Arlene:

Full

Faith:

board.

Faith:

Um, I also found owning that I'm a business owner.

Faith:

Yeah.

Faith:

Women don't like to lead with that.

Faith:

I'm a mom, I'm wife and a business owner.

Faith:

Well, it would've been six months ago.

Faith:

I'm a business owner and my business allows me to have

Faith:

my children home with me.

Faith:

Halftime.

Faith:

And people are like, what do you mean?

Faith:

It allows you, because I, I have a job that I've created and it's stab stability

Faith:

enough that I get to do what I want.

Faith:

And then it's, oh, it must be an aan.

Faith:

No, it's not.

Faith:

I came up with the ideas.

Faith:

I do all my own things.

Faith:

It is me a hundred percent.

Faith:

And I love when a sales guy comes out to pitch some idea to the farm

Faith:

and he goes, oh, you wife is here.

Faith:

How's cooking and cleaning?

Faith:

And I'm like, great.

Faith:

I create a whole business around it.

Faith:

Would you like to hear?

Faith:

And then they just kind of choke on their words.

Caite:

I feel like the one upside of the pandemic for me is that because

Caite:

it's unusual to work remotely out here, that it's become enough, more

Caite:

common that people don't assume that I work for some total scam anymore.

Caite:

Cause I still get people who are like, so you do sales calls?

Caite:

Like, no.

Caite:

Like, no.

Caite:

It's a, it's a real, it's a real thing, but.

Caite:

Yeah, it's

Arlene:

a, it's an actual joke.

Arlene:

I'm not selling Microsoft

Caite:

computers.

Caite:

Yeah, no, I, I'm not customer service.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

I mean, God bless the fact that there are people who can do customer

Caite:

service and not like end anyone.

Caite:

But I am very incredibly lucky to not be in a customer facing role.

Caite:

Let's put it that way.

Caite:

Uhuh, it would be

Arlene:

much harder to record a podcast for one thing.

Arlene:

Oh God, yes.

Arlene:

So we are gonna loop back to some, a couple more parenting questions before

Arlene:

we get into our cussing and discussing.

Arlene:

Not that we haven't done enough cussing and discussing already.

Arlene:

Um, but what is your favorite thing about raising kids on the farm?

Faith:

Having their freedom?

Faith:

I don't have to worry.

Faith:

I just kind of giggled in my head.

Faith:

Sorry.

Faith:

I don't have to worry about someone coming and picking up my kids.

Faith:

I don't have to worry about.

Faith:

Strangers.

Faith:

Yes, they learn stranger danger, but I can let them go and play in

Faith:

my yard and I can do the dishes.

Faith:

And I enjoy that so much.

Faith:

And the reason I giggled in my head was because one of our farm renters had come

Faith:

to the house and my daughter was four and jumped in her his truck and they just

Arlene:

took off.

Faith:

And he called me, he's like, oh my God, I'm alone with your daughter.

Faith:

I apologize.

Faith:

And I was like, I trust you.

Faith:

But I was like, she just got in with you?

Faith:

And he's like, yeah, she was.

Faith:

I told her I was going over to the burn pill pile and she just was like, can I go?

Faith:

But just that freedom that they can just run and be silly and stupid and

Faith:

I don't have to manage micromanage them, is just a beautiful feeling.

Arlene:

Mm-hmm.

Arlene:

What's your biggest parenting challenge when it comes to farm life?

Arlene:

Specifically around having kids on the farm?

Arlene:

Because I mean, we all know there's lots of benefits, but I mean, we, we know

Arlene:

too that it's, it's a hard life too.

Faith:

Support, um, that support is crazy and not having as close-knit

Faith:

support systems, um, is, is challenging.

Faith:

Like now that we have three kids and ho three different hockey teams to

Faith:

run after, there's one that always kind of gets left to the sideline

Faith:

because we're only two of us.

Faith:

And, um, knowing that you wanna do it all and when you have five kiddos, there's one

Faith:

of you and sometimes the farm comes first.

Faith:

That was, that was definitely like a smack in the face.

Faith:

I was like, pardon me?

Faith:

You mean that your child is puking sick and you still have to go and seed?

Faith:

No, you can take the fucking time off cuz your child is puking sick.

Faith:

And it wasn't that case.

Faith:

It was, no, I need to do this right now.

Faith:

I can't come.

Faith:

Um, so those farming aspects, I, they were just kinda like, oh, well I never

Faith:

thought of those, I never thought those would even like, cross my path.

Faith:

And they have,

Arlene:

yeah.

Arlene:

That, that farm coming.

Arlene:

First thing is, it's a hard one, especially when you've got little kids and

Arlene:

you feel, you know, already overwhelmed.

Arlene:

And then the person who's supposed to be your partner is

Arlene:

like, well, good luck with that.

Arlene:

I've gotta go,

Faith:

I've gotta go.

Faith:

And my grandmother, uh, with, so my adopted grandparents when they

Faith:

were together, they were on a farm.

Faith:

So I'm gracious that I can call her and be like, oh, I fucking hate this.

Faith:

And she's like, just remember I live with an alcoholic farmer,

Faith:

so you have a sober one.

Faith:

Be happy.

Faith:

And I'm like, the fuck grandma, let me bitch.

Faith:

And she's like, I'll, but you need to keep

Arlene:

perspective

Caite:

I will say faith that we're more than 60 episodes in, and I

Caite:

don't think we've had a single person not say that the farm coming

Caite:

first wasn't a hard thing for them.

Caite:

Even all the folks who've had on, who grew up on farms, that this is

Caite:

what they've done their whole life.

Caite:

Every single one of them has said that this farm coming

Caite:

first is a fucking challenge.

Caite:

Which has been helpful to me because yeah, that's like the great unspoken

Caite:

guilt yet is, you know, How can you, how can you be angry about this?

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

And I think so much of it too is that people are like, well, the farm

Caite:

provides, like, I don't know what kinda money you people are making

Caite:

from the farm, but No, it doesn't.

Caite:

I know the Canadian farm economy's a little better than the American farm

Caite:

economy maybe, but there's a reason we both work full-time off farm and it's

Caite:

not because the farm pays so well.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

You know, it's not that we just have nothing better to do.

Caite:

Um.

Caite:

Right.

Faith:

And anyway, I think, and I, I also like the guilt, my husband,

Faith:

because I am such a mental health person, I dig deep with him when

Faith:

he's like, okay, I'm done digging.

Faith:

Fuck up, fuck up.

Faith:

But knowing that he has shame, that he wants to be a farmer,

Faith:

this is what he was raised for.

Faith:

He's the first born son.

Faith:

This was bred into him.

Faith:

He feels shame when he has to say the farm comes first.

Faith:

I'm sorry.

Faith:

Like when the twins were first born, there was many times where

Faith:

he said the farm comes first.

Faith:

And I was devastated.

Faith:

I was like, I just need you now.

Faith:

And he's like, do you need me or do you want me?

Faith:

And I was like, I hate that fucking question.

Faith:

He knows now, like four years in, he doesn't even ask me it.

Faith:

I'll be like, I, he'll stop.

Faith:

And he'll be like, so do you.

Faith:

And I'm like, I'll fucking throat punch you.

Faith:

Don't say it, don't say it.

Faith:

Because there's lots of times where we want our farmer

Faith:

home but we don't need him.

Faith:

And just knowing that if it were to come and this is just with mine, if it were to

Faith:

come to life or death, he would be there.

Faith:

It would not be a question.

Faith:

But if I can mentally struggle through it on his off days,

Faith:

he will pick up the slack.

Faith:

And I'm gracious for that.

Faith:

But knowing the farm comes first was very difficult.

Faith:

Very difficult.

Faith:

And I don't think there's a way to get over it.

Faith:

Like I don't think there's like some magic maybe.

Faith:

Maybe we can create that.

Faith:

You guys a magic pill that just makes you okay with it.

Caite:

I'd love to know what it is.

Caite:

Because even for those of us, I think where we were actively farming, you

Caite:

know, before we met our husbands, with our husbands, whatever, that

Caite:

it's still the minute you add kids, it's just, you know, kids

Faith:

throws a whole wrench in the plan.

Faith:

They just throw wrenches, ev left, right, and center and you've gotta

Faith:

catch those wrenches or they're smacking you in the face, leaving big welts.

Caite:

Seriously.

Caite:

Having kids is like that scene in dodge ball.

Caite:

You know where the.

Caite:

The old coach dude is just chucking wrenches at people.

Caite:

That is a lot what it's like right there.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

A hundred percent.

Caite:

A hundred percent.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

So I mean,

Faith:

watch that movie.

Faith:

Cause don't understand why I keep, I'll be like, I'll throw a fucking

Faith:

wrench at you and you better dodge it.

Faith:

And they're like, what is wrong with you?

Faith:

I'm like, okay, we're watching

Caite:

the movie.

Caite:

I feel a little bad about how often I quote Super Troopers at my kids knowing

Caite:

how long it's gonna be before I will feel okay about letting them watch it.

Caite:

Cause even I am not gonna let a four year old watch that movie.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

I mean, he totally wouldn't get any of the inappropriate content.

Caite:

No.

Caite:

Anyway, so we ask all of our guests, if you were going to dominate a category

Caite:

at county fair, what would it be?

Caite:

And categories can be real or made up.

Caite:

Okay.

Faith:

I I, I have to say, I think I would dominate it a hundred percent how

Faith:

to have a spicy sex life in the farm.

Caite:

I'm just,

Arlene:

but not

Arlene:

in

Caite:

the tractor, obviously.

Caite:

I'm just picturing what the,

Caite:

I'm just picturing, you know, you take your family to state

Caite:

fairers like butter cow jams and jellies, flowers, faith, sex talk.

Caite:

There's maybe a curtain or something.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Over 18,

Arlene:

only over 18.

Faith:

A big dark curtain that says, talk about maintain your farmer.

Faith:

Oh my gosh.

Faith:

It'll be

Caite:

in the, like, faith is behind this curtain.

Caite:

Would it be in like the, the sales building, you know, where they have

Caite:

like the weird gadgets and shit and there's like the cookware and Yeah.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Are like,

Arlene:

yeah.

Arlene:

She could have a, a double booth, like, you know, like the subscription box in the

Arlene:

front and then Yeah, the bottle content

Caite:

in the back.

Arlene:

Cause like that is a whole new answer.

Faith:

For us.

Faith:

Yes.

Faith:

You guys are just like, oh, I wasn't expecting that that,

Faith:

but that's definitely my booth.

Faith:

I would dominate that.

Faith:

We'll make you special ribbon.

Arlene:

Thank you.

Arlene:

So we will go ahead and move into our cussing and discussing segment.

Arlene:

As listeners.

Arlene:

You can leave your cussing and discussing entries for us and

Arlene:

we will play them on the show.

Arlene:

So go to the show notes to find our SpeakPipe or our email address where you

Arlene:

can either leave a voice memo or send us an email and we would read it out for you.

Arlene:

Katie, what are you cussing and discussing this week?

Caite:

My own guilt about shit.

Caite:

I am so sick of the guilt I bring on myself that like, if I'm gonna feel

Caite:

guilty about shit, I should at least give other people the pleasure of

Caite:

getting to think that I'm terrible about something before I feel bad about it.

Caite:

Because there's so many things that I'm like, Oh, I'm being

Caite:

so selfish for doing this.

Caite:

Everyone's gonna think that I'm so selfish or so self-centered.

Caite:

I'm like, if they think that they've never said it, I don't have any evidence

Caite:

that they actually even think that.

Caite:

And if they do think that that's on them, if it's something that I would never judge

Caite:

somebody else for doing, why do I think I am so special that I should be able to not

Caite:

ever get sick or take a vacation or have a hobby like I don't know, doing a podcast.

Caite:

That's just because I am a human and I can fucking do what I want because I'm

Caite:

a grown ass adult and realizing because here's of therapy, that perfectionism

Caite:

is a really self-centered thing about, you know, I am special enough

Caite:

that I should be able to be perfect.

Caite:

Not you guys because.

Caite:

You're not that we're actually mortals.

Caite:

Yes, I am special.

Caite:

Damn it.

Caite:

I should never need anything for myself because I am too good for that.

Caite:

Yeah, we're all done.

Caite:

That's what I'm cussing and discussing today.

Caite:

Fuck that lies.

Caite:

Got it.

Caite:

If somebody wants to judge me, they can go right ahead.

Caite:

I don't need to do it myself.

Caite:

Mm-hmm.

Caite:

Yeah,

Arlene:

because you're, yeah.

Arlene:

Like you said, you are the one who's actually judging yourself and most

Arlene:

likely one, nobody else is do it.

Caite:

Right, Arlene.

Caite:

Nobody else is gonna judge me harshly enough.

Caite:

Damn it.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

Yeah.

Arlene:

They're going to, they're gonna let you

Caite:

off on, uh, some of your Yeah.

Caite:

What if they just let me get away with it?

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Faith, what do you have to discuss and discuss today?

Faith:

Oh, I think mine would be empowerment.

Faith:

I hate that I don't empower myself enough.

Faith:

And like you said, like everyone lets me get away with shit.

Faith:

And I'm like, no, fucking kick me in the ass.

Faith:

Gimme some like not just you can do it.

Faith:

No faith, you fucking suck ass.

Faith:

Get your shit together, empower yourself and put yourself out there.

Faith:

Um, because it's ironic how much women, I find moms in particular,

Faith:

we don't empower ourselves.

Faith:

We'll empower every mom out there, but when it comes to ourselves, we're

Faith:

like, oh, sorry, you're tapped out now.

Faith:

Like socks just go cry in the corner.

Faith:

Okay.

Faith:

Figure it out.

Faith:

Bye.

Faith:

And I wish I could just be more empowering of myself.

Caite:

I do wonder what it would be like if we we're nodding again.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

Yeah.

Caite:

If we talk to ourselves, the way that we talk to our friends and our children, but

Caite:

our daughters especially because is if I.

Caite:

Handled my own self-doubt the way I handled my six year old

Caite:

daughters life would be different cuz she's fucking beast mode 24 7.

Caite:

And you know it, yeah.

Caite:

If we talk to ourselves, the way we talk to the people we love

Caite:

things would be a lot different.

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

And why the fuck do we not love ourselves as much as we love other people?

Caite:

Right.

Caite:

Okay.

Caite:

Well, uh, if you need more therapy, you're gonna have to get it another time.

Caite:

Arlene, what do you have?

Caite:

Discuss, and discuss today?

Caite:

I was, I

Arlene:

was thinking the guilt too.

Arlene:

I mean like it's just like that circular, we're all going around it again.

Arlene:

But I mean, yeah, the things that I think I should feel guilty for and yet if I

Arlene:

really break them down, it's like, why?

Arlene:

Why do you think that that's a thing you need to do?

Arlene:

Or why do you think that's important and is it really important?

Arlene:

Or has this just been a story that you've been telling yourself like that this

Arlene:

is something you should feel bad for?

Arlene:

Is it really, do you care?

Arlene:

Is it a value for you?

Arlene:

You know, like really looking at what, what I'm telling myself I think I should

Arlene:

be guilty about, and whether or not those things are actually things that I,

Arlene:

I care about and need to put value on.

Arlene:

So yeah, guilt.

Arlene:

Guilt,

Caite:

guilt.

Caite:

I'm gonna say arlena.

Caite:

I think it's the fucking patriarchy.

Caite:

Cause if we took all the time and energy that we spend feeling bad about shit.

Caite:

And applied it towards a growth mindset of improvement and change and

Caite:

enjoyment of our lives and whatever the fuck else we could be doing.

Caite:

If we weren't spending all of our time and energy feeling bad about things that

Caite:

aren't actually our fault, um, the world could be a much better place and a lot

Caite:

more enjoyable, so, Hmm, absolutely.

Caite:

Back to smashing the patriarch.

Caite:

All right.

Caite:

Yes,

Arlene:

that'll be our task for tomorrow.

Arlene:

Yes.

Arlene:

Perfect.

Arlene:

So thank you so much Faith for joining us today.

Arlene:

It was so great meeting you and um, I'm sure you and Katie will be meeting

Arlene:

up somewhere halfway between Iowa and uh, Saskatchewan someday soon.

Arlene:

Um, but if people wanna connect with you online, if they're Canadian and want to

Arlene:

order from you, where should they go?

Faith:

Uh, stressed out Mamas on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook

Faith:

or stressed out mamas.ca.

Caite:

And is that Mama's with Twos?

Caite:

Thank you so much.

Caite:

Oh and two, mss.

Faith:

You know, I can ask that question a lot and I'm just

Faith:

gonna preference, I'm blonde, so think what a blonde would think.

Faith:

And it is stressed out how start M A M A.

Faith:

Because I am too blonde to think of how I would spell it.

Faith:

The other way

Caite:

works.

Caite:

I'm not even blonde.

Caite:

And that's the way I'd spell it too.

Caite:

Cause it just seems excessive to spell it the other way.

Caite:

Right.

Arlene:

I'd forget

Faith:

it all the time.

Faith:

So stressed out.

Faith:

M a m a.

Faith:

Nice, simple and sweet.

Arlene:

Perfect.

Arlene:

We'll include that in the show notes

Faith:

too.

Faith:

Well, it was great to meet you guys as well.

Faith:

Thank you so much for having me on.

Faith:

I enjoy it and I can't wait for everyone to hear about it.

Faith:

So much for coming

Caite:

on Faith.

Caite:

Thank you.

Caite:

All right.

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About the Podcast

Barnyard Language
Real talk about running farms and raising families.
Real talk about running farms and raising families. Whether your farm is a raised bed in your backyard or 10,000 acres and whether your family is in the planning stages or you've got 12 kids, we're glad you found us!

No sales, no religious conversion, no drama. Just honest talk from two mamas who know what it's like when everyone is telling you to just get all your meals delivered and do all your shopping online, but your internet is too slow and you've got cows to feed.

About your host

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Caithlin Palmer